‍The Origins of Confidence

Confidence comes in two forms. The steady kind, shaped by who you are and the life you have lived. And the situational kind, sparked by preparation in the moment. Both matter. Both can be trained.

The steady kind is what psychologists call trait confidence. It is the deep foundation you carry with you through challenges. You build it quietly over time. Each time you fall and get back up, like when you learned to ride a bike, you add another layer. Each time you face failure and realize it does not break you, that foundation grows stronger. Trait confidence does not shout. It runs beneath the surface, steady and reliable, ready to hold you when the pressure rises.

The situational kind is state confidence. This is the belief you can summon in the moment when it really counts. Think of it as flipping a switch that preparation has already wired. An athlete feels it before a penalty kick because hours of drills have carved the movement into muscle memory. An executive feels it before a board presentation when rehearsal transforms nerves into focus. State confidence is not permanent, but it is powerful. And you do not have to be born with it. You can build it every time you prepare with intention.

I saw both forms at play when I worked with Ronaldo de Assis Moreira, better known as Ronaldinho, and his family in Rio de Janeiro. His brother Roberto “Lalo” was his manager, his sister Deisi was always close, and his mother Dona Miguelina was the quiet force behind it all. Ronaldinho’s trait confidence came from years of playing barefoot in the streets of Porto Alegre, joyfully dribbling past older kids until creativity became second nature. His state confidence appeared each time he stepped into the Camp Nou in front of ninety thousand fans, flipping the switch in the big moments because he had rehearsed his brilliance a thousand times before. Watching that family up close taught me that confidence is both inherited from experience and summoned in the spotlight.

The two forms feed each other. Preparation builds state confidence. Enough state confidence, repeated over time, becomes part of your steady foundation of trait confidence. And trait confidence, in turn, makes it easier to prepare well and summon state confidence the next time. This cycle is why repetition in training matters so much. Each repetition may feel small on its own, but together they build lasting strength. It is like building muscle in the gym. One rep may not seem to matter, but over time the strength becomes part of you. (The theme of deliberate repetition and mental performance training will be explored further in Part 5.)

So how do you build both forms? Two levers stand out: self-awareness and preparation. Self-awareness shows you where you are strong and where doubt tends to creep in. Preparation takes that insight and turns it into action. Together, they turn uncertainty into momentum.

Most people, however, overestimate how much self-awareness they actually have. Research by organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich found that while 95 percent of people believe they are self-aware, only 10 to 15 percent truly are. That gap matters for confidence. If you cannot see your blind spots, you cannot prepare for them.

I once coached an executive who thought his biggest challenge was speaking too little in meetings. What he did not realize was that his quiet presence already carried weight, but his lack of preparation made him ramble when he finally spoke. The issue was not volume. It was clarity. Once he saw that blind spot, his preparation shifted, and so did his confidence.

Preparation is the second lever. It is not only about rehearsing content but also about rehearsing states of mind. Athletes do this all the time: the pre-game routine, the visualization, the drills until movements become second nature. Executives can do the same before a high-stakes conversation. When preparation reaches this level, nerves stop being an enemy and start being fuel.

Together, self-awareness and preparation form the foundation that allows confidence to grow. One shows you the gaps. The other gives you the tools to fill them. Confidence expands when both are at work. (In Part 4 we will explore how coaching uncovers blind spots and builds the kind of deep self-awareness most people cannot access alone.)

Closing thought‍

Confidence is not a mystery potion gifted to a lucky few. It is a practice. Built in who you are, sharpened in how you prepare, and available to anyone willing to do the work.

So where in your life do you need to prepare with more intention? And how would your confidence change if you turned that preparation into a habit?